ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
