I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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