I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
