Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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