shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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