I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
