You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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