I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
