It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
