Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
