6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
