She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
