If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
