But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
