on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
