i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
