So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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