Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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