My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
