I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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