Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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