he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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