If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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