If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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