it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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