The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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