just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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