Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
