is wine microwaveable?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
