We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
