Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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