The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
