how can u be prego again
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
