Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
