I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
