I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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