So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
