I murdered the dance floor call the cops
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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