And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
third nipple confirmed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
