mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
