fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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