Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
