we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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