It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
