listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
