Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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