Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
