Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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