dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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