Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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