Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
