There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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