Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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