Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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