where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
