she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
