I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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