I am puke
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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