There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
