his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
