i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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