did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
