Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize