I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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