Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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