I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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