the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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