She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
