Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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