I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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