Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
