Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
