I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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