hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
