I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
