this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.