i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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