I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.