Texts From Last Night

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  (+44): View more from England

  I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

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  (+44): I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment. http://tfl.nu/zeo3
  Replies (37) Good night (7148) Bad night (853)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

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  (253): waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me http://tfl.nu/vccm
  Replies (11) Good night (6107) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

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  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4636) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun

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  (315): Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun http://tfl.nu/t9ze
  Replies (20) Good night (913) Bad night (4771)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.

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  (630): This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass. http://tfl.nu/p9f8
  Replies (10) Good night (1219) Bad night (2597)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.

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  (937): I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt. http://tfl.nu/gq37
  Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.

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  (774): I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit. http://tfl.nu/t89l
  Replies (9) Good night (4072) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago

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  (262): Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago http://tfl.nu/39ul
  Replies (3) Good night (1888) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.

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  (203): what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/l6g2
  Replies (9) Good night (1297) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.

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  (513): We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit. http://tfl.nu/qhz6
  Replies (2) Good night (2057) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball

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  (917): I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball http://tfl.nu/axxp
  Replies (24) Good night (606) Bad night (2806)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  You fool.

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  (778): I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps. (1-778): You fool. http://tfl.nu/kp0u
  Replies (10) Good night (1097) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  what type of emt are you

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  (860): i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off. (1-860): what type of emt are you http://tfl.nu/8o94
  Replies (4) Good night (1445) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.

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  (707): The acoustics in my bra are fantastic. http://tfl.nu/vfao
  Replies (7) Good night (1025) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?

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  (519): Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay? http://tfl.nu/v6m9
  Replies (5) Good night (750) Bad night (294)

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