Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.