She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize