Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles

  (205): View more from Alabama

  for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today

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  (281): Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles (205): for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today http://tfl.nu/m9xp
  Replies (9) Good night (606) Bad night (3145)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  your address is 607B right?

  (785): View more from Kansas

  yeah why?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it

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  (913): your address is 607B right? (785): yeah why? (913): i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it http://tfl.nu/019d
  Replies (11) Good night (1225) Bad night (4106)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

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  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (8588) Bad night (1503)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall

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  (210): Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall http://tfl.nu/30d7
  Replies (5) Good night (2359) Bad night (925)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.

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  (610): Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever. http://tfl.nu/x9w2
  Replies (33) Good night (1043) Bad night (4331)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?

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  (732): I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'? http://tfl.nu/6mt1
  Replies (2) Good night (2708) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?

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  (+44): let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions? http://tfl.nu/wlcv
  Replies (6) Good night (1586) Bad night (745)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.

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  (508): she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking. http://tfl.nu/8dis
  Replies (15) Good night (720) Bad night (3679)
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  (805): View more from California

  i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party

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  (805): i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party http://tfl.nu/d8gr
  Replies (4) Good night (1943) Bad night (515)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.

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  (407): Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck. http://tfl.nu/ldxl
  Replies (14) Good night (529) Bad night (1871)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month

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  (517): well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month http://tfl.nu/fhen
  Replies (5) Good night (663) Bad night (1645)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics

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  (416): Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics http://tfl.nu/b7nn
  Replies (7) Good night (1073) Bad night (435)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single

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  (719): It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single http://tfl.nu/v0bh
  Replies (3) Good night (555) Bad night (393)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.

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  (256): Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl. http://tfl.nu/7wpk
  Replies (6) Good night (548) Bad night (406)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now

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  (803): It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now http://tfl.nu/rhf3
  Replies (0) Good night (603) Bad night (294)

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