you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone