end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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