It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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