Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?