I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.