Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I AM VODKA MAN
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all