Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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