I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i need some magic done to my vagina
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.